Length of Baby and Bridal Showers... A Rant and Some Solutions

The Rant
Baby and Bridal Showers that last longer than 3 hours are unacceptable. Baby and Bridal Showers that last longer than 4 hours are torture. Long showers are tedious and boring. I can’t tell you how many showers I’ve been to where I’m had to force myself to suppress a cry of utter weariness when the hostess announces, “Okay, we have another game to play!”

I want to tell these hostesses, “Showers are not considered “better” than other showers if they last longer.” (They are considered better if the food is fantastic and you serve cocktails.) You don’t win any prizes for hosting the longest shower ever. So please, keep it short and sweet.

If you are planning a baby or bridal shower, please come up with a schedule that allows everything to get done in less than three hours. Actually, two hours seems to be the perfect baby/bridal shower length.

Showers are NOT like other parties. Why? Because there are no men. You can say what you want about the menfolk, but they can make a party more fun. Also, showers are typically held on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, not a “party all night” situation. Women have stuff to do/ errands to run/other parties to go to/kids to watch on their weekends. They don’t have time for a five hour bridal showers. (I attended a bridal shower of this length last weekend, thus igniting my desire to compose this post.) Therefore, shower timelines are not the same as other party timelines. Short is perfectly fine and much appreciated.

How to Shower the Bride in Three Hours or Less

1. Tell guests NOT to wrap presents. Sure people want to see all the gifts that the bride or mommy receives, and they want to see the look of joy when the guest of honor opens the present that was so lovingly selected for them. But, they don’t like to sit through two hours of gift opening! It's as boring as watching CSPAN through the congressional lunch hour. Plus, am I the only one who gets a little guilty watching all that wrapping paper waste go into bags of trash? Trees gave their lives for this cruel end? As a guest at these things, I would rather spend the $6 I spent on that sparkly gift bag and fancy tissue paper on a better gift (or on a mani/pedi for myself.)

So, how to make it clear that guests should NOT wrap? My girlfriends threw me a baby shower and this is poem they wrote on the invitations:

Please don’t wrap your gift,
We’re trying to be “green,”
And leave more time to socialize
With Kate and Poppyseed.

(We called my fetus/inside baby “Poppyseed.” Recognizing that is probably not very universal, you could substitute “With the Mom-to-Be”)

Can I tell you how many guests at the shower LOVED this!?!? One guest either couldn’t read or just loved wrapping paper, so I did receive one wrapped gift at the shower. It was no big deal. As the “showeree” I really enjoyed not unwrapping presents and having all that extra time to sit down and talk to my guests, many of whom traveled pretty far to be there.

So how does a no-wrap shower work, exactly? At my shower, all the guests put their unwrapped gifts on a table. Most had cards attached. Some guests even made cards out of recycled/repurposed items! After all the guests arrived, I went over to the table, picked up a gift, held it up, said whom it was from, said how cute the gift was and thank you, then put the gift back on the table. I went through all the gifts this way and it took ten minutes. TEN MINUTES!! Guests hung out by the gift table before and after to see all the gifts up close.

2. Serve dessert while presents are being opened. If your bride insists on wrapped presents and you want to save some time, serve dessert while she’s in the middle of opening presents. Guests may get pretty bored about halfway through the presents, and some cake and coffee service will give them the sugar and caffeine buzz they need to make it through ‘til the bitter end.

3. LIMIT THE DAMN GAMES. Sometimes it feels like the host is trying to make us play every shower game ever devised. Stop the madness. If you asked a random sample of women what they like least about going to showers, I bet the top two answers would be “watching someone open presents” and “the games.” Hey, I get it, playing games at showers is a tradition. Games can be fun, and they can be good ice-breakers. And let’s face it, people like winning prizes. But as a host, you need to limit the shower to ONE or TWO good games. I can hear you now, “Two games – what will the guests do with themselves?????” Umm, I don’t know, eat, drink, socialize with their friends, look at your charming décor, and enjoy themselves free from the stress of sampling various baby foods or pondering what candy bar is melted in that diaper?

And you thought telling your Mother-in-law that her son impregnanted you would be the most awkward moment of this pregnancy.

PS – DO NOT make guests play that baby shower game where guests have to cut a piece of ribbon to as long as they think the circumference of mom’s belly might be. I know lots of mommies-to-be who are sensitive about their weight while pregnant and just dread that game. And it’s the most awkward feeling in the universe when the guests have to try to wrap their arms around your baby bump to check if their guess was correct.